Thursday, June 12, 2008

Criminal Intent

Ok, I know this involves knitting but I promise not to be too esoteric. Today is for the tale of where knitting has taken me ...

I had to appear in court this morning. I packed accordingly: about 5 pages of case-related documents, a puppy training book, my knitting work in progress (WIP) and, of course, a knitting book. Court days can be long and dull.

I was looking forward to a morning of knitting as my needles have been untouched the last week or two with Miss Lil to occupy my time. I even took some little scissors with me in case I finished the socks and needed to cast off. I was enthusiastic!

So I settled into my seat in the court room and started untangling my yarn. (This is the downside of working two socks at one time - you have two working yarns that stick to one another like super glue.) Within just a moment, the bailiff (a nice woman with beautiful red hair - she's been bailiff in that courtroom as long as I've been going there) came over to me, approaching me in kind of a crouch.

"Oh." I thought. "Does she knit, too? It looks like she's coming to chat about socks on circulars."

Oh yeah. That's what she was thinking all right.

"I have to see your needles."

For your benefit, Dear Reader, they look like this only with two giant black socks hanging from them:

"OK. They're ..." What I didn't get out is : nickel plated circulars - 2.5 millimeters in diameter with a 47" cable connecting them. I'm doing two at a time socks. It's my first time and I messed them up at the gusset ...
"I'll need to hold those for you."


"Did you happen to see who was screening at the door?" she asks.

Ruh-roh - they all look like this:

Minus the logo. They sometimes step away from the logo.

"As if." My smart-aleck, now deprived of a morning of knitting brain chimes in silently, "As if I could stand here in the courtroom and WHISPER a description of this negligent screener to you so you could march down there are report her to the Screening Authorities. She already took my scissors!"

Oh. I forgot about that part. That darned screener - to whom I now felt somehow faithful because I KNEW the scissors were iffy and took my ready-to-toss travel ones on purpose - took my Fiskars kids scissors! I should have known I looked like trouble when they wouldn't let me through security with 3" safety scissors!

I was very brave, all things considered. I put my knitting back in the bag, handed it over to the bailiff and started in on my puppy book. I put it back. crossed my legs. Went to the bathroom. Took a drink of water in front of the "No Eating or Drinking Sign", reworked my calendar for the summer. Then I gave up all hope and just listened to the attorney's stumble through their morning.

As soon as the attorney's were done, the Commissioner went back to the Department list. I was #4 on the list but I figured that due to my little delay in security I'd probably get pushed to the bottom.

Imagine my surprise when I heard my name NEXT!? Yep, it's my turn - apparently they let those suspected of "criminal intent" go first!

So I took care of business. When I got up to leave, the bailiff was holding open the gate. I glanced at her desk and my knitting bag WAS NOT there. She motions toward the door and says, "Deputy Really Cool Black Hair will carry it for you to the door." (That wasn't a direct quote, but the Deputy DID have great hair!)

I had an ARMED (with a GUN) escort to the doorway of the courthouse. Where, for some reason, they must have decided that I was no longer a danger to myself or others because they handed me my socks and sent me on my way. In public. With my needles.

In public. With knitting needles. Where I am still At Large.
You know, they really don't look all that dangerous after all ...